Gotta Have a Smoke — (a fictitious monologue)

When this whole business of the pandemic started, I was at an AA meeting. I got my three-year sobriety coin. They started telling us that meetings were cancelled. That we could meet on Zoom, but make sure not to put our last names on our Zoom accounts so we could remain anonymous. You gotta respect that. AA — an organization of 85 years….

And I was handling quarantine just fine. I started working from home as a Client Service Representative for an Internet Service Provider. Hell, I could have done this job from home all along. It’s nice to make a sandwich at 10 a.m. and shovel egg salad into my mouth as I’m talking to some pissed-off housewife about how she can’t get on her Zoom pilates meeting.

I kept up with my sponsor. And I was smooth sailing. I thought, “Hell, I’ve figured out this sobriety thing.” Somehow, each day has gotten easier.

I tell you what though: I’ve smoked at least 12 cartons of cigarettes in the privacy of my own home. And smokers are at much higher risk for COVID-19.

I stop at the liquor store at the corner (an essential business ) to get my smokes and ogle the whiskey and tequila like they’re strippers. AA should change its slogan: sobriety — it can lead to cancer. If you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta have a smoke.